The Midnight News 5.08.01 

Posted By Hyatte on 05.08.01

News, Notes, Names, Ninnies, and Nads 

I've got about a hundred pages of various columns to write, and I'm already exhausted, so don't get too comfy, this'll be quick news

RAW DEAL

Raw was on last night. I'm not willing to ruin the work of the 6000 recappers out there who are quite busy trying to make a "funny recap" for you to laugh at, so I'm just reporting that yes, Raw was on last night. It was a good one, too.

I will say that the WWF used to show to end two big rivalries.... or at least that's what Ross kept telling us. Plus Rikishi appears to be a Face again.

The Torch says that HHH WAS in the building last night, and the Announcers who said he was sick are big, fat, LIARS!! 

The Torch also said that Yoshihiro Tajiri worked a dark match and lost to Sho Funaki. Apparently, no one backstage watching was all that awed by Tajiri's work.

Last time I asked a babe to show me her funaki, I got kicked right in the 'nads.

Like I said, there are about 6000 raw recaps on their way, including the Mop-Up (but you only read the openers and maybe the closers.... I know), but a serious candidate for quickest recap posted is PK's RAW which goes up scant seconds after the show ends. All the 411 boys do this.... except for that Hyatte moron. Good for them.

IT'S ALL NATURAL, REALLY!

The Torch Newsletter reports that Jim Ross met with Scott Steiner about working for the new WCW. The meeting went well and all, but Ross had to lay the law down one time and tell Steiner that his previous attitude will not be tolerated in this new company. Steiner blamed everything on WCW management and promised to fly straight. Ross said that one more screw-up, and it'll be back to dark hair and a Michigan State letter jacket.

SAY CHEESE

The Rock appears on this week's Entertainment Weekly with Brendon Fraser. He is in his movie outfit. This marks the first time a wrestler has appeared on a mainstream magazine cover.

for something OTHER than wrestling! (hah, thought you'd get me, huh?)

OR Bodybuilding!! (suckaaah)

No, David Arquette does not count! (pffffth!)

NOR does Mr. T. (Losers! You can't beat me!)

OW, MY BACK!! GET ME SOME HEROIN!

From the same Newsletter as above, so far Shawn Michaels has not been called by the WWF after they scrapped his planned involvement at Wrestlemania and sent him home before a show. He will not be brought back until he "seeks professional help". Funny thing about the Torch, they are practically screaming that HBK was loaded on some form of drug and/or alcohol, but they refuse to come out and say it. Come on boys, where's your nerve? Mr. Big Time Sheet Reporters?

I pulled all this info off the 411 Newsboard, which really is the quickest, most news intensive board on the whole net. It's so thorough that I'm not even sure why the site NEEDS a news section. Seriously, if you haven't already, Bookmark the thing and keep checking it out throughout the day. 

DIDN'T THE CIVIL WAR START OVER SOMETHING LIKE THIS?

The Sandman is auctioning off his time to anyone who can spring for a case of Pabst over on Ebay. Get him drunk enough and maybe he'll tell you if Raven really is gay.

To bid for a wrestler of your very own, go here here.

BUT, PLUGS

Craig Letawsky answers your questions without acting like a smug little C-head like certain other web guys I know. Plus, if he doesn't know an old school question, he asks me.... and I ignore him because he is beneath my notice. Actually, he's never asked me anything.... or contacted me in any way. Probably for the better.... he may say the wrong thing, tick me off, and make me write about doing awful things to his mother in the Mop-Up. So it's for the better.

Craig's column is right.... oh, I'd say.... here.

INTERNET FIGHTS THAT DON'T INCLUDE ME

In a dramatic follow-up between yesterday's bitch session between Rob Van Dam and Dave Scherer/Bob Ryder.... RVD posted a second, tamer commentary that answered some of Ryder's own charges. Here we go:

Can you imagine a world where people could give misinformation about you publicly and if you stood up and said anything for yourself it would be considered an attack fueled by a bad attitude?

These are the boundaries I feel confined in while observing myself being misrepresented to you fans. After reading what they said today about me, you could get a much different image of me than the truth.

So I would like to state some facts that are important to me for you fans to know:

-Reports that I argued through Greg Price with Dave Scherer for several months aren't true. 1wrestling possibly misunderstood conversation that may have taken place without me after I stated my knee was 100%. I'm speculating, but I certainly wouldn't care to spend my time involved in such a subject. If they knew me, they would know that. I want you to know me.

-They would like you to believe I changed my story after saying I never hurt my knee. Of course, I never said that I never hurt my knee, only that it was fine by the time I was asked and it was never worth mentioning on such a public scale.

-Although I'm sure I have met Scherer, as I stated, I don't recall it. I do several interviews a week and the truth is that I couldn't pick him out of a lineup.

-Of couse their comment on Rosanbitch was way off. He attracted my attention when he used a traumatic accident, involving my wife and myself, in a distasteful manner. This was quite some time after I expressed my concern for his magazine's usage of outdated pictures and old information contrasting with my attempts to progress myself.

This message means no harm to anyone and can only be taken in such a way by someone really twisted!

Most importantly, I don't want my fans mistaking me for this lashing, unfairly smearing and attacking person that you may read about on their website. In general, I love the way I am spoken of, which I work hard for.

If you already know me, that's cool, but I'm reaching out to all the RVD fans everywhere because...YOU RULE! 

Scherer had a new Daily Lariat out yesterday, and simply said that he stood by what he reports. That is NO way to keep a Net Feud going, take it from me.

I'm all out of news for you. Actually, I could post a lot more stuff, but I have work to do.

If this news update seemed.... cocky.... it's because I am currently getting into Mop-Up mode.

Ugh

This is Hyatte